We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
