dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
