Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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