I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
