roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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