Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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