9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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