Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
