Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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