A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
