So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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