Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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