Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
