is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
