remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
