The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
