That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
