so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
