marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
