Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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