come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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