Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
