the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
