I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
