I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
