I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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