Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
