R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
