I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just high enough for therapy.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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