dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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