Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
