i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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