I love black thongs
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
be right there i have to get my cape
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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