god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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