We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
