Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
