I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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