Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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