You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
