If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm passing your future prison.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
