She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
