Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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