I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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