I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
