went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize