C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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