Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
