Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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