so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
