She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
