just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
