I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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