I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Found the puke drawer
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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