drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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