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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
